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CAST
BENNY - The horny husband, late 30's
ESTHER- His wife, middle 30's
THE MAN - Porno film addict, in his 50's
THE MANAGER - Harassed and obese, middle 40's
PATRONS - Several devotees of the carnal arts, scattered around the theater. No lines.
SET
Several rows of theater seats. Regular chairs okay in a budget crunch.
WARDROBE AND PROPS
Street dress, suits
Newspaper and box of popcorn
STANDARD OPENING FOR ALL Outrage SKETCHES
FADE UP ON avuncular, conservatively dressed, newscast/anchor-type gives the following a serious, deadpan delivery:
HOST
Welcome to "Outrage." A series of short television dramas, created under the direction of a controlled substance, and designed specifically to:
. . .ridicule authority,
. . .celebrate hypocrisy,
. . .offend the conventional wisdom,
. . .and desecrate as many of the virtues and values in our society as time permits.
FADE OUT
FADE UP ON:
INTERIOR - BACK OF PORNO FILM THEATER to find BENNY pulling a reluctant ESTHER into the theater through the doors from the outer lobby. Esther wears sunglasses.
EFFECTS Flickering lights suggest reflections from action on the screen.
SOUND A sob, moan, grunt and groan loop provides aural confirmation of our location.
ESTHER
(pulling back)
Stop it, Benny! Stop it! I told you! I do not wanna see a dirty movie! Didn't I tell you?
BENNY
(pulling on her arm)
C'mon, Esther, c'mon! Give it a chance! C'mon. It'll be fun!
PATRON'S VOICE
Hey! Whad'ya say! Quiet back there, please! Quiet!
BENNY
Shhhhhh. We're making too much noise. C'mon, let's find a seat.
ESTHER
What's got into you, Benny? Why are you doin' this?
BENNY
You'll have a good time. Just relax for Christ's sake. Relax. Relax.
(pulling her down the aisle)
It's just people -- you know -- havin' fun
ESTHER
It's too dark in here.
BENNY
Well take off your sunglasses! C'mon! Nobody's gonna see you in here, Esther. It's okay. Honest. It's okay.
ESTHER
(raises sunglasses to peek at the screen)
Oh, my God!
(drops glasses back down)
BENNY
What's the matter now?
ESTHER
They're doin' it, Benny! They're actually doin' it!
BENNY
Of course they're doin' it! That's the whole idea. Whad'you expect? The Muppets?
ESTHER
A man should not take his wife to a place like this! It's not...not respectful.
BENNY
Okay, okay. Next time I'll go alone.
ESTHER
What "next time!"
PATRON'S VOICE
Down in front!
BENNY
Here's some seats.
(pushing Esther in)
C'mon, Esther! Sit, already! Sit!
ESTHER sits next to THE MAN, who's busy cramming his mouth with popcorn as he stares at the screen.
ESTHER
You think they're married?
BENNY
(eyes on the screen)
How should I know fer God's sake! Just watch! Enjoy!
While BENNY and ESTHER watch the screen, THE MAN covers his lap with a newspaper and STARTS MASTURBATING. ESTHER doesn't notice.
ESTHER
(eyes popping, she nudges Benny)
Benny! Jesus! Look at the size of that guy's..."thing."
(pause)
Is it real?
BENNY
It's real! It's real!
ESTHER
(turns her head away from the screen)
Oh, my God! Will you look at that! Look what she's doing!
BENNY
(eyes riveted on screen action)
Shhhhhhh! C'mon, Esther! Quiet!
ESTHER
(beginning to get interested)
That is amazing, Benny! Look at that! How can she breath?
BENNY
Through her nose.
ESTHER
How do you know?
(turns away, and then back)
Have you been foolin' around?
(turns away, and then back)
You've been foolin' around!
BENNY
I have not been foolin' around! Now be quiet and watch! Maybe you'll, well...
(hesitates)
ESTHER
Maybe I'll what?
BENNY
Well, maybe you'll, you'll pick up a couple of ideas.
ESTHER
(very indignant)
A couple of ideas?
(turns away and then back)
You want I should get a couple of ideas!
(turns away and then back)
I know some things, Benny. I know some things! You would be surprised, kiddo! Very surprised!
THE MAN
(still jerking away under his newspaper)
Do you mind, lady? I'm tryin' t'concentrate, here!
BENNY
(remains unaware of what The Man is doing)
C'mon, Esther! C'mon! You're botherin' people!
ESTHER
(turns to The Man)
Sorry ...
ESTHER does a take, and finds herself staring in fascination at the bouncing newspaper covering THE MAN'S LAP. She elbows Benny.
ESTHER
(nudging Benny)
Benny ...! Benny ...!
BENNY
(eyes on the screen)
Quiet! Jesus, Esther! C'mon!
ESTHER
(trying to draw Benny's attention to The Man's lap)
But, Benny ...
Slowly ESTHER TURNS to watch the screen.
SOUND: SOB AND MOAN TRACK GETS LOUDER
ESTHER is becoming aroused. Her gaze shifts from the bouncing newspaper, to the screen, and back again to THE MAN'S lap. Her breathing gets deeper. She licks her lips.
Without even looking over at THE MAN, ESTHER slips her hand under his bouncing newspaper. The bouncing stops. THE MAN'S jaw drops, his eyes pop. He swallows hard, but never takes his eyes off the screen.
Then, as THE MAN removes his hand, the newspaper starts bouncing again as ESTHER'S HAND picks up the beat.
Without even looking at Esther, THE MAN holds his popcorn box over to her.
ESTHER
(eyes on the screen)
Thank, you.
ESTHER TAKES SOME POPCORN with her free hand. Then she takes the entire box and holds it over to Benny.
BENNY
(eyes on the screen)
Thanks.
(realizing)
Where'd you get the popcorn?
ESTHER
(her hand still jerking away
under the newspaper)
From the nice man next to me.
BENNY:
Nice man?
BENNY leans forward to look past Esther, and then down at THE MAN'S LAP to discover (to his horror) where Esther's hand is and what she's doing.
BENNY
My, God! What the hell's going on, here! Hey, you! Stop that! Stop that you pervert! That's my wife!
THE MAN
You're a very fortunate man, sir.
BENNY
Jesus Christ! Esther! Get your hand out'a there! You hear me! Stop that!
PATRON'S VOICE
Hey! Quiet over there!
BENNY
What the hell are you doin' Esther! My God! I don't believe this!
(leaping up)
We're getting out'a here! Right now!
THE MAN
(breathing hard)
Can she stay for just a few more minutes, please?
BENNY
Certainly not!
PATRON'S VOICE
Down in front!
THE MANAGER has hustled down the aisle with his flashlight.
MANAGER
I'm the manager. Is there a problem, here?
BENNY
A problem! You're God damn right there's a problem!
(turns and points)
That sex fiend in there is the problem!
THE MANAGER bends down and shines his flashlight at Esther who looks up and smiles, still jerking happily away.
MANAGER
She seems like a perfectly nice woman to me, sir.
BENNY
That's my wife, you idiot! It's the man next to her! That guy! There!
MANAGER
There's no need to be abusive, sir.
THE MANAGER bends down again and shines his flashlight over at THE MAN.
MANAGER
Oh, it's you Mr. Schuster.
(straightens up)
That's Mr. Schuster. One of our regulars.
BENNY
For God's sake, Esther! Get your hand out'a there! Stop that! Are you crazy!
PATRON'S VOICE
Hey! Knock it off down there!
MANAGER
You're disturbing our guests, sir. I'm afraid you'll have to leave.
BENNY
(pleading)
Listen, honey. You were right. I shouldn't have brought you. Okay? It was a lousy idea. I'm sorry. All right? Now for Christ's sake let's get out'a here! Please! You gotta stop this!
MANAGER
(bending down)
Are you all right, m'am? Your husband seems concerned.
ESTHER
(still jerking away, she glances up at Benny)
I've never seen this man before in my life.
BENNY
Oh, my God! I do not believe this! I do not believe this! I'm warnin' you, Esther. There could be a serious situation, here! Serious! Very serious! Are you coming?
ESTHER
No ... But I think my friend is getting close.
BENNY
Friend! Friend!
THE MAN turns, sticks his tongue out and gives Benny a juicy raspberry.
Control gone, BENNY dives into the aisle behind Esther and, leaning over the seats, tries to pull her hand from under the bouncing newspaper.
BENNY (Ctd)
Damn it, Esther, let go! Let go a'that guys....thing! You let go! You hear me! Let go! Fer Christ's sake get your hand out'a there! Stop doin' that! You hear me! Stop it!
BENNY'S attempts to free ESTHER'S HAND only succeeds in amplifying her jerking motion. THE MAN responds accordingly.
MANAGER
(grabbing Benny)
That's it, fella! You're out'a here!
BENNY
I'm not going without my wife! What're you? Crazy! This whole place is crazy! Esther! Stop it!
MANAGER
(calling to patrons)
Harry! Jeff! Gimme a hand with this nut!
Several PATRONS leave their seats to help the manager. They wrestle Benny up the aisle.
BENNY
Take your hands off me! God damn it! Let go a'me! I'm warning you!
MANAGER
It'll be all right now, mister. You just try and take it easy and you won't get hurt.
BENNY
Let me go! Get your hands off a'me! My wife isn't well! Can't you see that? Stop it! You hear me! She's sick! She needs help!
ESTHER
(still jerking away, she calls Benny)
Benny!
BENNY
(trying to break free)
She's calling me! She's calling me! Let me go you bastards! Let me go! She needs me! Get your hands off!
ESTHER
Leave the popcorn, please, Benny.
BENNY SCREAMING as the men drag him up the aisle.
AUDIO UP ON GRUNT AND GROAN TRACK
FADE OUT
Copyright ? 1990 John K. Mackenzie All Rights Reserved
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John K. Mackenzie is a self-employed business communications writer living in NYC. A 30-year veteran of corporate conference room combat, he put two kids through college while underwriting dozens of Prozac prescriptions. IBM once honored his work by destroying 1,200 prints of a film he wrote and directed: the same film that later received a gold medal at the New York Film & TV Festival. Time and seniority now permit telling it like it was, instead of the way it should have been. More can be learned by visiting his website at http://www.thewritingworks.com or e-mailing him at info@thewritingworks.com The Outrage series can be found at: http://www.thewritingworks.com/outrage |
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